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Moving ForwardWith every breath I take it becomes harder to breath.
With every move I make it become harder to walk away.
The past haunts me. The future scares me.
What have I become?
I look to the left and look to the right,
There seems to be nothing in my line of sight.
Nothing but darkness up ahead.
Where have I gone to?
Lost and alone.
Left behind once again.
Stuck in a place I no longer wish to be.
How do I move one from here?
To look past the clouds and into the sky.
To smile like I mean it and enjoy the sun.
To simply hold the hand of the one I love.
Is it possible to let it all go?
Move past the hurt, the ones who once treated me like dirt.
Look to the stars and know everything will be alright.
Be free to actually be me.
Can I walk forward?
No longer do I want to look towards the past.
My eyes covered from the pain of before.
Hold my hand and guide the way.
I no longer wish to stay.
Tearsyou cry yourself to sleep
hoping to ease the pain away
the heart never forgets
and the tears continue to shed
you curl in your bed
with everthing stuck in your head
the memories hit had
the tears fall faster
you tell yourself things will get better
as the tears make your pillow wetter
you hate yourself
you dislike what you have done, what you have become
even though you thought
the outcome would be far better then this
you muffle the sounds
as your tears just fall faster
trying to lever look back
just keeps becoming harder and harder
you cry yourself to sleep one more time
hoping maybe this time will be the last
you dream of the unforgettable past
knowing the peace could never last
all they are, are painful memories
that cause you hurt because they tease
as you dream you shed your last tear
after all it was your fears
all it is, is one more night
as your pillow takes your tears with out a fight.
You Lost YourselfYou lost yourself
Lost yourself among men.
You thought you were perfect
then you began your dance with sin.
Hurting the ones you so called love
turning your back against the sun.
You lurk in the shadows
falling further beneath it all.
Words slip off of your serpent like tongue
your down fall has begun.
Spiraling down, down
screaming for a hand that cannot be found.
No one can help you
no longer the need to call out.
Born from the sun
fallin to the shadows you have become.
You lost yourself
among those called men.
Forever will you suffer
may it now begin.
Tainted By DarknessMy soul, tainted by the darkness within
hiden away and covered with sin.
Lost with no where to go,
Left with no sound to be known.
Burried with hate.
Stuck with fear,
and shadowed by doubt.
Tainted by the darkness within.
Struck with guilt,
like a blade to the heart.
to tear everything apart.
Left alone to burn in hell,
no longer a reason to scream and yell.
Tainted by sin is my heart,
left alone is my soul.
To cry myself to sleep at night,
no one will ever know.
Tainted by the darkness I am,
hidden away to be found by no man.
If I could turn back the hands of timeIf I could turn back the hands of time
I would take away all of your pain.
Every wrong every done to you
Would be completely erased away.
If I could turn back the hands of time
I would still be by your side.
Make you smile and brighten up your day
Take all of your fears away.
If I could turn back the hands of time
There would be so many things I would change.
So many things I would have said
To make you want to stay.
If I could turn back the hands time
There would be no more running.
No more reason to hide
Pain would be just a bad memory.
If I could turn back the hands of time
I would hold you.
But I can’t.
I cannot turn back the hands of time.
The past is just the past
And the future is unknown.
But I will be here
To guide and to hold you.
Because If I could turn back the hands of time
You would be truly happy.
Smiling ear to ear
With love in your heart.
Who am I to you?What did I even mean a thing to you?
Right now it feels like nothing.
Tossed aside and forgotten.
Do you even know who I am anymore?
You never speak until spoken to.
Never write or call anymore.
Who exactly am I to you?
You left me with false hope.
Tore me apart from the inside out.
And when I opened up to you,
You just shut me out.
Left behind and all alone.
Until someone was brave enough to pick me up.
And now I am here standing on my own.
While it seems you never look back or care.
You left me alone.
To stand on my own.
With no reason or word why.
And now that I stand on my own again.
You leave me even more behind...
I Tear My Skin AwayI Tear My Skin Away
I tear this skin from my body,
Even if the world screams,
That I am only an illusion.
I tear the bones from my legs,
Through pain, I will grow,
Through suffering, I will become.
I rip the muscles from my arms,
These teeth from my jaws...
And with nothing upon me,
I carry on...
Like a broken puppet, still shivering,
Still forcing its way through the darkness;
I tremble for I am nothing...
And yet, I am moving. My voice still screams...
I draw breath into these tired lungs,
As I rip the flesh away...
And I shatter these mirrors before me,
With a voice that will not break:
Because the world cannot label me as nothing,
And I will live for my own sake!
"So tell me, is that all the pain you've got for me?"
I screamMy scream is loud.
My scream is honest.
My scream is desperate.
My scream is filled with truth.
Why would nobody hear me?
dearly belovedthese days
your name has been slipping
in and out of my rib cage
my heart forgets to beat.
how even after all these months i still
don't want to believe that
you're dead. how during the
first couple of weeks i prayed
to a god i didn't believe in and begged to know
if death tasted sweet to you. how once,
when the monsters in my head
didn't let me sleep, i
wrote you three poems and then
you were a supernova that
lit up my life for
a few radiant moments before,
like all good things in this
you came to an end.
the sinner in me hopes that you have wings now.
but i think that,
most of all,
i hope you no longer
remember what pain
Those Green Eyes (Or: Don't Lie to Your Kid)Those green eyes -
The green of joy
The green of hope
The green of love and acceptance -
Were always full of lies.
They first lied when I said,
After a nightmare at four am
When I was too small to reach a light switch,
“Will you ever leave me?”
And those eyes said,
Why did those green eyes
Shut when I needed them most?
"Are you okay?"
Would be a red line
That I would etch into myself
Those green eyes melted.
Those green eyes did shine
And I knew what it was -
I was young, not stupid -
But I indulged the lie,
For those green eyes.
"Will it get better?"
I asked one sunny Saturday
At ten in the morning
And those green eyes looked away;
“And you’ll be here forever?”
There were no words.
I made up my own affirmative.
Those green eyes -
When they saw
How I’d rubbed myself raw
notes on a matchbook love.if I were the type
to say how I really felt,
I'd tell you that
I hope you choke on your apologies
like they're arsenic
and your nails are already
with the poison.
I'd let you know
that I'll never be a body
for you to touch
just because I know that's all you want.
I'll never be a fairy in a bottle
at your waist.
this is no storybook, and
I am no myth.
hear my silence,
feel the cold absence
respond to your weak "I'm sorry"s.
I beg you,
stop digging the hole,
stop, just stop.
Hush and watch the flames
engulf the image you sold me.
you can tell me
I'm beautiful as much
as you want,
but I know that it's not enough,
that you'll always want more,
that you've been a wolf
between my legs all this time
and my fingers are bruised
from holding the leash.
now every time you whisper
"please be okay",
I will always tell you that
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
I will forever pretend
that I've grown up from you,
that I've become a mystery
You're beautifulPlease eat.
Are you listening to me?
If you are,
I want to tell you.
You re beautiful.
It doesn't matter what you weigh,
you shouldn't feel guilty about what you ate.
It doesn't matter,
I promise you things will get better.
Listen to my words,
Hold my hand.
Don't worry about the rest of the world,
It's okay if they don't understand,
How it feels like,
To feel fat,
To feel ugly,
To feel worthless.
You are none of those things.
It s okay to be chubby,
It s okay to be skinny.
Because you have a big heart.
And your smile,
Is like a priceless work of art.
And I don't want to see you destroy,
Because you're more than just a broken toy.
And to everyone else,
So for once let yourself be,
Accept your reflection.
Because you are the definition of perfection.
So don't worry,
Don't be sorry,
To be who you are.
Because you re,
What is Hope?Hope is something we have as children,
It helps us thrive and try our hardest.
Hope is what we express in the worst of times
When all hope seems lost.
Hope is what people possess in life
To work toward our dreams.
Hope is a lie
That's not worth our time.
I Know You're Strong, Let's Be Stronger TogetherI Know You're Strong, Let's Be Stronger Together
if i’m being completely honest,
i can’t say i know what you’re goin’ through.
and if i’m being frank,
i’m sort of afraid to write this
because i’ve always been unsure
if i love too much but it’s my nature
and i’d rather lose by trying too hard
than to do so without doing enough.
i hope you’re asleep now
and i hope you don’t read this
till the morning and i hope by then
things will be a little lighter
but i’m hoping against hope
because if you don’t know,
i feel when things are off.
call it intuition, call it a feelin’,
say i just know it.
my friend, my door is always open
even when you’re feeling closed
off to the world and right there,
i can understand that feeling well,
because i still feel we relate to one another
better than most brothers understand their sisters.
know i look at you as a sibling
and i believe we know when the other
I sat thereI sat there.
I sat there and said nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not a sound escaped my lips.
I just sat there. And I looked. All I did was look.
I looked at you of course. Wondering why you said all that you had.
But who am I? Apparently no one according to you.
So I sat there and I looked.
What exactly caused you to say all that you did?
I'm sorry. I'm quite confused. . .
What did I do wrong? I'm thinking in my head.
I don't dare say anything out loud, I'm afraid of the response.
What caused you to lash out so?
Aren't we supposed to be friends? Friends till the end I thought.
I guess my thoughts are only dreams. Maybe even fantasies? I'm not exactly sure anymore.
As I try to get out what I feel; you decide that it is enough, and just walk away.
Didn't even give me a chance. A chance to express in words, how much you meant to me.
You just walked away. Left me standing there, my mouth full of words.
And it hurts me to say, I still care about you in the same way.
Even though you left me s
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More